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When You're Clinically Depressed, LIfe Becomes a Paradox

6/26/2020

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Depression is an asshole. There, I said it. Thank you for your time.

Okay, so maybe this isn’t a profound statement. Anybody who has ever been afflicted by or close to somebody with depression knows that it’s awful and can ruin your life. And not just because it makes you sad sometimes or forces you to cry in the bathroom at work for no reason or fastens you into the same set of pajamas for three days straight. Depression is an asshole because it is inherently contradictory. This is the foundation for my theory of The Depression Paradoxes.

Paradox 1: You’re Numb Despite “Having It All”

Clinical depression has no rhyme or reason to it. Unlike grief or situational depression, which can be linked to a single problem or event, clinical depression often pops right out the blue clear sky. As a result, things can often be going pretty well for you but, out of nowhere, you start to feel absolutely miserable. For someone with depression, this can be even worse than your entire life falling apart, because then at least you would have an explanation for your sadness. Not having a “reason” to be upset about something makes the voices in your head that much more cutting. “You just got a promotion, you ungrateful jerk! Why are you blubbering in the shower?” or “You’re on a yacht in the middle of Caribbean, sipping champagne with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and you can’t smile for one. friggin. second?!” (Anybody else have that fantasy? Just me?)

So hopefully this explanation makes it easy to understand why a common piece of advice spewed by everyone ranging from Instagram yogis to Dr. Phil doesn’t often work for people living with depression. You can hear a choir of soothing New Age-y voices crooning it now: Practice Gratitude. Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for not being a greedy prick and being thankful for what you have. And gratitude is an amazing and powerful tool for those not in the middle of a depressive episode. But for someone agonizing in their own personal hell for no reason other than shitty neurotransmission, counting blessings can be a rough reminder of the fact that they are still suffering despite all they have been given. Even more, for someone with the messed-up thought patterns characteristic of mental health disorders, this can quickly feed into the cycle of negative self-talk and depression.

Paradox 2: Exercise Is Supposed To Make You Happy, But You Can’t Even Get Out Of Bed

I, like many of my fellow mental health warriors, have googled the phrase “how to fight depression” or some variation of that more times than Kanye West has googled “Kanye West.” (Mom, if you’re reading this, that’s a lot of times.) What pops up are several different blog posts listing the same strategies tested by time and scientific evidence: exercising, eating well, socializing, and looking on the sunny side of life! And, of course, all of those things are wonderful suggestions for people with or without a mental health disorder.

However, to quote Carrie Underwood, “There’s just one little problem…” Depression makes those things pretty much impossible, especially when you’re knee-deep in self-doubt, fatigue, and crying spells.

Before you yell at me, I am a lifelong student of the sciences, with degrees in Nutritional Sciences and Physical Therapy. I am a big proponent of healthy living, both mentally and physically. Professionally, I have seen the positive impact of appropriate exercise, solid nutrition, and social interaction on people with mental and physical disorders. Personally, however, I have seen just how difficult it is to follow this advice when you can barely get out of bed in the morning. I, a physical therapist and normally an avid exerciser, had an entire three (okay, six) month span where I did not exercise a single minute. I used all of my social, physical, and mental energy just getting myself to, through, and from work. By the time I got home, I could barely keep it together enough to binge on Triscuits and The Office before crying myself to sleep at the thought of waking up and having to do it all over again. And what made it even worse was knowing that I should be exercising, I should be meeting up with friends, I should eat a goddamn vegetable once in a while. (Translation in my brain: I am definitely a waste of a human and probably do not deserve be living on this planet anymore.)
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Don’t get it twisted—it is not my intention for these paradoxes to function as excuses or reasons not to engage in methods proven for battling depression. It’s just that these practices require two things that are often lacking in the depressed mind: energy and motivation. The point of this is to 1) explain why depression is a total jerk and 2) provide compassion and understanding of how depression operates for those coping with the disease as well as those living on the outside trying to empathize.

It is only by identifying and demystifying these paradoxes that we can begin to address and modify our treatment strategies to make room for hope and healing in the depressed mind.

Note: This post was originally published at ThoughtCatalog.com, with some modifications.  See the original post here.
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How to Enjoy your "Good" Days - Without Paying For it Later

6/22/2020

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Can you relate to this scenario?

You wake up - and you feel pretty good! You’re excited because you finally have energy to do all the things you’ve been too depressed to do (yay!) and decide to get stuff done, son.

Flash forward a few hours later and you’ve run errands, answered client emails, done laundry, cleaned the house, paid bills, caught up with friends and family….and you’re absolutely wrecked.  You’ve exhausted yourself so much that you didn’t even get to enjoy your day.  Heck, you can’t even enjoy the rest of the week because you burned yourself out so much!  Sound familiar?


Unfortunately, I hear about this cycle all too often.  I’ve even lived it myself!  For some of my clients (at least until they met me!) it got so bad that they started to dread their good days because they knew they would have to pay for them later down the road.  

The good news? You don’t have to live like that! 

So what can you do to enjoy the hell out of your good days while preserving your mood and energy for the days ahead? Read on to learn more!
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  • Don’t worry about getting everything done in one day:
    It may feel like it, but this won’t be your only good day!  Consider this your official permission to not get every single thing done.  Pick a couple of priority tasks and allow yourself to stop if you start running out of steam.  Remember - the more you guard your energy, the more you’ll have left over for another day!

  • Include things that recharge your energy:
    It’s tempting to want to tackle your entire to-do list on days when you’re feeling your best.  However, running from task to task without taking some time for yourself is a recipe for burnout.  Including a few things that recharge your batteries (think: meditation, a brisk walk, journaling, etc.) will help space out your tasks and prevent an energy crash at the end of the day.

  • Check in with yourself throughout the day:
    Sometimes we can get so distracted by what we’re doing that we forget to check in with ourselves and our energy levels!  An easy way to do this is to rate your energy level on scale of 1 (I need a friggin' nap) to 10 (I’m bouncing off the walls!).  When your energy dips below a 5, it’s time to take a break and recharge before moving on to the next thing.

  • Outsource, outsource, outsource:
    Here’s another reality check - not everything on your to-do list has to be done by you!  Consider hiring others to do the tasks you dread or that really drain your energy.  Protecting your mental health is a top priority - if you have to spend a little bit of money to make that happen, then it’s money well spent!  (Tip: a great resource for this is TaskRabbit - you can hire someone to do almost anything!)

  • Don’t forget about your thoughts:
    Repetitive, negative thoughts drain your energy.  While you’re focused on getting things done, don’t forget to tune into your inner voice.  Is she being nice to you and supporting your goals today? Or is she beating you up for not getting more done?  If it’s the latter, it’s time to start keeping those thoughts in check! (Psst - my upcoming 21-Day Negative Thought Detox helps you do just that - in less than 20 minutes per day! Sign up for the waitlist here.)

It’s important to enjoy the hell out of your good days! Incorporating the above strategies will allow you to do just that, while leaving some energy left over for you to enjoy tomorrow too!

How do you make sure you don't burn yourself out? Let us know in the comments below!
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What To Do When Depression Has you Stuck in Bed

6/15/2020

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Depression can majorly screw with your sleep patterns and energy levels (for more info, check out this and this blog post).  For my clients, this often shows up as difficulty getting up and out of bed in the morning.  I find that most of my clients fall into at least one of the following three categories:

  1. They’re tossing and turning until the wee hours of the morning.  By the time that alarm clock goes off, they’ve only gotten a few hours of sleep!
  2. They’re dreading their day, whether it’s going to a job they hate or dealing with another day of emotional pain.
  3. They wake up feeling depressed and lack the motivation to get out of bed.

In all three of these scenarios, depression is messing with their energy levels - but in completely different ways!

Regardless of what’s keeping you in bed, the following tried-and-true strategies will get you feeling better and up and at ‘em in no time!

[Click here to watch my video - 3 TIPS TO HELP YOU GET OUT OF BED WHEN YOU’RE DEPRESSED]

  • Step 1: Let go of the guilt (and the shoulds!)
    Feeling guilty for staying in bed is going to make you stay in bed even longer.  Here’s why: Negative thoughts and feelings, like guilt, drain our energy by taking up our attention and our brain power.  Thoughts like “I should be doing so much more right now” aren’t constructive because they make us feel crappy and guilty.  And when we feel crappy and guilty, we have less energy and self-confidence to take action.  This is why I always say guilt is a useless emotion.

  • Step 2: Interrupt the negative thought cycle by clearing your mind
    So you know guilty thoughts don’t do anything for you - but how do you turn them off?  The best and quickest way to change your thoughts is to first create space in your brain for new possibilities.  This is done by doing anything that gets you out of your head - pleasure reading, going for a walk, taking a shower, etc.  My favorite way, however, is with breath work because it’s easy and you can do it even if you can’t get up quite yet.  Check out this video of my favorite breathwork technique here.

  • Step 3: Try some pump-up jams 
    It’s tempting to want to listen to sad songs when you’re feeling depressed.  While sad songs can be comforting, happy, upbeat songs can boost your mood and energy levels even if you listen to them from your bed.  Check out my Uplifter playlist on Spotify here that includes all the songs you need to get you moving in the morning. (Psst...I highly recommend starting with “Bad Girls” by Donna Summer!)

  • ​Step 4: Narrate your steps
    If the above tips didn’t work for you - don’t worry! Not everything will work on the first try.  Narrating my steps is a technique I came up with when I was having a really hard time getting out of bed during the worst depressive episode of my life in 2017.  Essentially, narrating your steps is talking yourself through each and every step required to complete a task.  In the get out of bed example, I would say the following out loud to myself:
    • “Okay Julia, take the covers down.” Once I’m able to do that, I move onto the next step.
    • “Now, swing your legs off the bed.” And I wait until I can.
    • “Okay, now sit up.” And then…
    • "Alright, Julia, now stand up.” And I take all the time I need to stand.
      By breaking the task down into smaller steps, it makes getting up out of bed much more doable.  Plus, saying the steps out loud makes your brain pay more attention because it engages multiple senses.

  • Step 5: Reach out to a loved one
    It’s important that we try some strategies on our own before immediately reaching out to others.  Why?  Because it cultivates self-reliance and a feeling of self-esteem when you’re able to do it yourself.  Also, sometimes our loved ones don’t know what to say and can accidentally say things to us that make us feel worse or make it even harder to get out of bed.  That being said, if you’ve been unsuccessful with the above strategies, it may be beneficial to reach out to someone you trust who can give you a different perspective.  Tip: When you reach out, be sure to tell that person what you need so they can best support you!

What to do if you still can’t get out of bed:
Say you tried all of the above strategies but you still can’t get out of bed - now what?

I am about to say something that most mental health coaches will never say:

If you try and try and try and still can’t get out of bed - then stay in bed.

There is nothing wrong about being in bed.  You’re not hurting yourself or anyone else.  You’re not “behind” or “lazy” or “gross” any of the other awful things you could come up with to say about yourself.

You’re in bed because your mind and body need you to be.  You may need extra rest, you may need to be away from stimulation, you may need to feel comforted in your favorite sheets.  Whatever the need, the best thing you can do for yourself is honor that need, without self-judgment.  As long as you come from a place of self love and compassion, your body and mind will get up when they’re ready.  There’s no need to put pressure on healing.

If this is something you’re struggling with - don’t go alone!  I am now offering FREE 45 minute discovery sessions to a limited number of new clients!  Book yours here.

Tired of being tired? Start with better sleep!

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    How to Stay Informed Without Sabotaging Your Mental Health

    6/10/2020

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    The world feels crazy right now.  Between a global pandemic, worldwide protests, and murder hornets (seriously, wtf?!), the first half of 2020 has proven to be a rough one.  It’s important to stay informed, but sometimes the news can make us feel anxious, hopeless, and afraid for the future.  However, sticking our heads in the sand and ignoring all news can make us feel even more anxious because we don’t know what’s happening around us.  Here are some tips to stay informed without feeling overwhelmed.
    • Sign up for a daily news e-mail  
      I’m personally a fan of The Skimm, which sends an e-mail newsletter to my inbox Monday through Friday summing up the big news from around the globe.  I love that they include not only what’s happening but what supporters and critics say about it.  Plus, they always end the e-mail with something to put a smile on my face, like yesterday’s video of a coyote playing golf. 

    • Turn off commentary and opinion 
      Thanks to 24-hour news networks like MSNBC and Fox News, a majority of “news” is just one person’s opinion about what’s happening.  This prevents you from forming your own opinions and can drown out the actual facts of the situation.  Instead, turn off the tv pick up a newspaper (or log onto their website), where the top of the article will make it clear if it’s an opinion piece.

    • Avoid the comment section
      Speaking of opinion, everyone’s got one in the comment section of an article.  Scrolling through uninformed and often heated opinions can turn your anxiety up high without providing any real information or value.  Do yourself a favor and skip the comment section – your blood pressure will thank you.

    • Purge your notifications
      In 2019, the average US smartphone received 46 notifications per day.  That’s a lot of apps vying for your attention and interrupting your daily life.  News apps in particular can cause stress if you’re not prepared to process the information you receive at that moment.  Do yourself a favor and edit your notifications to only include apps that deliver crucial, time-sensitive information like phone calls, messages, and texts.

    • Take a detox day or two 
      Speaking of notifications, a study out of Carnegie Mellon University found that putting your phone on “do not disturb” mode for 24 hours resulted in improved concentration and reduced stress levels.  If you’re afraid of missing important calls, schedule your detox day for a weekend (to avoid work hours) and tell your loved ones you’re taking a day off and may take longer to get back to them. 

    • Look for the good news
      The human brain is wired to focus on the negative and our news sources do the same.  Remind yourself that there is still good in the world by visiting good news sources like Tanks Good News and The Good News Network.  Better yet, set one of these sites as your home page so you can see the good before being flooded with the bad.

    • DO SOMETHING
      The news often makes us feel hopeless because things seem so bad that we couldn’t possibly make a difference.  This is completely false! There is always something you can do to help such as donating, protesting, or having conversations with family and friends.  Once I started speaking up for the Black Lives Matter movement, I immediately felt less overwhelmed because I was helping create change. 
      P.S. If you’re white and don’t know where to start in this movement, check out this article from Medium. 
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    Now more than ever, it’s important we stay informed and aware of the world around us.  However, nothing is worth sacrificing our mental health over.  By taking these steps to filter out less-than-newsworthy information, you’ll improve your knowledge of the facts while protecting your energy and your sanity.  And couldn’t the world use a little more sanity right now?

    P.S. Still feeling overwhelmed? Start with your thoughts! Learn more about my 21-Day Negative Thought Detox here.
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    3 Ways Non-Black Allies can Support Black Mental Health

    6/4/2020

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    Black lives matter. Black bodies matter.  That means black mental health has to matter, too.
     
    Black people in America are disproportionately affected by mental health issues and poor access to psychological treatment.  Research shows that historical adversity such as slavery, sharecropping, racial violence, and race-based exclusion from social services (think healthcare and education) results in a lower socioeconomic status.  Low socioeconomic status, as I also discussed in this post, increases the risk for poor mental health.  Put this on top of centuries of racial oppression and inequality and you have a perfect storm for a mental health crisis.
     
    Current protests, while necessary, can also leave our black brothers feeling more anxious, hopeless, and on edge.  As a result, black mental health is as an important as ever.  Here are some ways non-BIPOC allies can help:
     
    • Educate Yourself: It is not the responsibility of black people to educate others on the racial injustice and inequality in America.  Instead, it is your responsibility to educate yourself.  Search out books, articles, and documentaries on the subject.  This article is a great place to start.   
     
    • Donate to organizations that support black mental health: Unfortunately, a majority of mental health charities are still led by and focused on white mental health.  Here are some organizations that specifically focus on the mental health of the black community:

      • Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation: provides free virtual therapy for black people of low socioeconomic status
      • The Loveland Foundation: their therapy fund provides free therapy sessions for black women and girls
      • The Siwe Project: promotes mental health awareness throughout the global black community to encourage more people to seek treatment
      • Ourselves Black: strives to provide relevant, current, engaging mental health content and stories specifically routed in communities of color
      • Therapy for Black Girls: aims to grow and sustain an engaged community focused on the mental health needs of black women and girls
    • Have Tough Conversations: Educate your friends and family about racial injustice in person and online.  Discuss the increased risk of and barriers to treatment for mental health disorders in the black community.  Encourage your friend and family to speak up and support black mental health causes.  The world will never change without difficult dialogue.
     
    Obviously, this is a less-than exhaustive list - but it’s a start.  I encourage you to share your own resources in the comments below so we can all support this cause.  Together, and only together, can we help improve the lives and mental health of the black community in America. 
     
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    Exercising to Beat Fatigue - Here's what You Need to Know

    6/2/2020

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    We all know exercise is good for us, especially for those of us living with depression.  Study after study after study has shown the mood-boosting and anti-depressive effects of exercise.  But what about using exercise for another purpose – boosting energy and beating fatigue?
     
    For many, exercise as an energy-booster seems counterintuitive.  After all, exercise actually requires energy (in the form of calories) and too much exercise can leave us drained and exhausted (more on that later).  First, let’s take a look at how exercise can improve overall energy, both in the short-term and the long-term.

    • Increased neurotransmitter production 
      Neurotransmitters are molecules that send signals between brain cells and include substances like dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin.  Exercise increases the production of neurotransmitters in the brain, leading to effects like improved mood, increased energy, and reduced stress.
     
    • Increased blood flow to the brain 
      Exercise increases your heart rate, which increases the amount of blood that’s pumped all over your body, including your brain.  Greater blood flow means more oxygen to the brain, improving your concentration, focus, and energy.
      (Fun fact: Yawning is another way your body tries to increase oxygen to the brain when you’re tired!)
     
    • Improved ability to sleep
      People with depression have a screwed-up relationship with sleep, so anything that can help us get some extra Zs is crucial.  Experts don’t know exactly how exercise helps us get more sleep, but we know it can increase the slow-wave, or deep sleep we get at night.
      (P.S. If you haven’t already, click here to pick up my FREE Sleep Kit for women entrepreneurs with depression – you won’t be disappointed!)
     
    • Increased stamina over time 
      Regular exercise increases the efficiency of your body, so it uses less resources and energy for the same activities over time.  This allows you to perform your daily activities with less fatigue and more overall energy.
     
    However, getting enough exercise when you have depression can be difficult because of fatigue and low energy. 
     
    The good news? You don’t have to get that much to see an energy bump!
     
    Research shows that a brisk, 10 to 15-minute walk is actually the most effective form of exercise to see an immediate, significant boost in energy.  Longer and higher-intensity workouts can also build energy over time but may tire you out initially because you worked so hard. 
     
    My best advice? Start with short, low intensity workouts (think a 5-minute walk around the block), and slowly build up over time to avoid injury and fatigue.  Having trouble getting started? Click here to book a free discovery session with me and let's get it done together!
     
    What’s your biggest challenge when it comes to energy and exercise? Let me know in the comments!

    Note: I research all of my blog posts extensively and provide only scientifically backed information.  Please e-mail here if you find any errors or discrepancies in this post and I will be sure to make any warranted changes.  Thank you!

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